Completely

Yesterday was a tough day for me emotionally. It just seemed like nothing was right and that everything was going wrong and contrary to what I had planned. Lately I've been getting frustrated very easily about little tiny things that don't really matter anyways. The problem with this is that it's very difficult for me to tell if it's just me because I'm pregnant or if I have legitimate frustration.

Last night a wonderful thing happened...God reminded me of something. I was laying in bed just listening to praise and worship music while I was trying to go to sleep and I could not sleep. The words from the song "The Stand" by Hillsong were playing over and over in my head. "What can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart oh God completely to You." I hadn't even listened to that song but still those words kept replaying over and over in my mind. I began to wonder if there was a part of my life and something that I have been trying to handle all myself and not giving it to God. Then I realized that all of my frustrations, fears, doubt, discontentment that were constantly filling my mind and my time were things that were also filling part of my heart. I honestly think that the things that you spend time thinking about and dwelling on can become so great that they start to fill up the space in your heart that rightfully belongs to God. It's those things that we keep to ourselves and try to handle on our own that we kinda keep separate from the rest of our heart that we surrender to God.

The lyrics now made sense. Now I know the reason that God put them in my head: because there is a part of my heart (frustrations, ungratefulness, etc) that I wasn't giving completely to God. It's so easy when things are going wrong and they aren't how you wish they were, to focus on those negative things and forget completely about the blessings in your life. We're supposed to be offering those difficult parts of our life as well as the blessings in our life to God equally and completely, leaving nothing out.

It's not an over-night success though. I know that I am going to have to work at this for a long time. It's going to be a constant struggle to remind myself of the blessings in life and to offer all of my frustrations, ungratefulness and all that negative stuff completely to God. It can feel so overwhelming to try to deal with all of your problems by yourself. We are so blessed to have a God that can take all of our problems so we don't have to carry them alone...as long as we offer everything completely to Him.